Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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