just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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