Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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