that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
