it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
