i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
