I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
