Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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