I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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