I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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