I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
