In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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