We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
