The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Everclear isn't food dammit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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