i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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