Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
