made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize