Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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