Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
