i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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