he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
