I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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