So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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