Can i not drive my cunt home
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
