a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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