wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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