Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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