Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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