I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
