He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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