Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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