You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
