i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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