WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
