you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize