It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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