I am puke
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
