watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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