Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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