Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
