She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
