I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
