And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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