$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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