She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
even my farts smell like vagina
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
