U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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