Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
