Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
