I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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