Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
