dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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