ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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