i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
