So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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