Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
