was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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