got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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