The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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