so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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