I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
