Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
