Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
