Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
