and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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