yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
