So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
