I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
