My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
how drunk are you?
Several
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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