I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
