I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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