I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
