Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
