Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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