Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
