I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the liver wants what the liver wants
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
