Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
