You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
