Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
