a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
