With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
